haha, feels great to write again, seriously

so i havent written anything in a while here,

but thats because i really didnt want to, even through lots of things changed in my little life, some are for better some are for worse,

i still have my job, which i love and dont love at the same time, i hate being on the bottom level and i seems like it will take me for ever to get all the way on top or at least start moving, whatever , anyway , i need more experience and education,

so i am almost living on my own, my parents are in a different country and it fucking hurts , hurts to be alone, hurts to have them far, hurts to do everything on my own , hurts to be a grown up, i wish i was a kind again, i hate grown up problems

my fucking relationship is all screwed up,  i guess i wish i was single sometimes again, even through i love him , but...............i need my own time, and i have to find myself  and sometimes its hard when you have someone else out there, they require time and emotions, and those 2 things that right now i cant waste on anyone,

i need myself......................

i guess i am aloner, i just love in my life, who knows what i want,

we even broke up once for some stupid reason but deep down i broke up with him because i was afraid to be left alone, being left by someone, especially now when everyone leaves me, damn

soon i will have no one to talk too, besides my stupid coworkers and my girlfriend which always has some stupid college stories that i am sick of already, sometimes i want to tell her " i m sick of your he looks weird on me, or i think he likes me" damn just get over it already ,itsnot like you slept together

i wanna go to spain, i wanna get my masters there, i dont know when or how but i have to makeit happen soon, i dont wanna wait time, but than again, i just got together with my bf and if i apply next  year , that means i will have to break up with him agian ,...next year................................

funny we got back together, i dotn even know why i did it, i do love him but i am better off without him, i guess you cant always cheat on you head, and heart takes over ..

whatever , tomorrow back to work , stupid life, i need more excitement in it......or maybe now, it is complicated as it is as of right now, and i dont need any more changes right now

 

still love myself,

me

my fucking life is so unstable, i cant live like that anymore

my parents dont know what they want, i dont know what i want and all that crap,

my work is great though, this week i am going to this big party at work and it should be a great networking event, i am really looking forward to it,

i soon will start studying for GMAT and apply to grad schools in europe, i have to get fuck away from this country and everyone, this is all great but i need to find myself and a country where i can get stable........

my bf is giving me toubles, he says he likes me but i am not his "ego" , what ever, i am with him for now , than who knows ...........

anyway, my head is full of ideas and dreams , i just dont know when and if ever they will happen,

oh well, thats another way to remind me of my last name , which in not only my last name but my style of living, my life moto

----------------W-A-I-T-----------------

 

Открыт новы?знак зодиак?- Ло? Гороскоп на каждый день одинаковый!

its been long time since i wrote anything.............

but oh well, i kinda dont have enough time now to keep up with my journal.............its hard to keep up with my real life anyway......work takes too much time ........i am always tired .........and always working......i kinda like my work and at the same time sometimes i just wanna fuck it and leave it.........but i try , i try really hard to make it happen........

i dont hang out with my friends anymore,,.........i dont really know if i have friends anymore.....my coworkers that i speak on a phone every single day are now my best friends.......i speak to them more than i speak to my parents...........haha.........I FUCKING HATE YOU PEOPLE AT CHASE..............and your texas accent...............why do you always give me such a hard time at work????

i spoiled my bfs weekends..........but hey , he spoiled mine.........i know that he is not cheating on me, but i just wanna accuse him of it just to see his reaction.........i didnt say anything to him this morning, but he got the idea that i am mad at him and he probably has no clue why..........oh well.........

i just like to play hard........so what he can do.........and how far he will go.....even if it means loosing him........its so funny, he shaved his chest for me..........i think he really likes me, but will see tonight what his got to say........ i will keep on pushing him every time a little bit further just to see how far he will go........i dont want him to flirt with other girls and if he cant handle it, than i dont need him........even through i really really like him........i am so into him.........sex is great. .......... everythign is great ......well , not everything. , sometimes his conversations about future scary  me.........i fucking dont need him...whatever..........

i saw will a couple of days ago and he had a couple of beers after work.........he was so sweet , the boy is totally inlove with me.........i feel like a bitch for breaking his heart, he really is a great guy, but we met in a wrong place and at a wrong time........and he knows it....

i cant believe i have to deal with all these problems at age 22

fuck them all

 

last saturday - all day long shopping with my girlfriend

last sunday - all day long shopping with my boyfriend

 

fuck it all, i am tired of both of them and everyone.....

i like my work..............stephen is flirting with me.......it makes it more interesting.........

i spend my friday night and all saturday at my bf's house........we went to the movies last night and it was a boring movie......and we ended up walking home and taking about history.....haha, that was strange......

he still keeps on saying that he wont marry me, but i can see that he is getting more and more attached to me..........i know he likes me alot.........anyway, its not like i am planning on getting married anytime soon.........so its all cool :-) i actually like it that way..............

soon when my paretns will be leaving, i need to start thinking about myself and my future, and there is deffinatelly not a perfect time for me to think about marriage, i dont even know where i will be living and what i will be doing in the nearest future, i cant afford to think about marriage anyway......eh

"Тр?белы?- кожа, зубы, руки. Тр?черные
- глаз? бров? ресниц? Тр?красны?-
губы, щеки, ногт? Тр?длинны?- тело,
волосы ?руки. Тр?широки?- грудная клетка,
ло? расстояни?межд?бровями. Тр?узки?
- ро? плеч? ступ?. Тр?тонкие - пальцы,
волосы, губы. Тр?округлые - руки, торс,
бедр? Тр?маленьки?- груд? но??ноги."

p.s. i let him wear my fathers sweat pants, how horrible is that?

my paretns are gone to florida........

so i am all by myself , fucking lonely and i have to cook

my bf stayed with me this night, we went out to japanize restaurant and watched 3 movies in a row... than i made him breakfast in the morning........lovely

man, i am so tired......

this work is fun, but i get so tired after work, i dont even know why, its not like i am working with my hands, but still i have a hard time adjusting my schedule and literally have no time for myself or my freinds anymore.......

adrian moved to anothe position, i will miss him, he was a fun guy to be around at work, and he even almost called me babe at work.....it was so funny, he was explaining something to me and than the word babe automatically got out of his mouth,  but he realized that it is inappropriate and shut up complitelly without even finishing the word...........it was funny........

this week i got my first real pay check....i was really happy, my first real money earned after college, my $1,247.97 .....

i spend my friday night with my bf and almost all saturday day with him.....he is fun to be around:) 

my Ipod died, its a tragedy, how am i gonna survive my morning and evening commute without you baby???? i wanna cry, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Surprise your friends, burn their houses down.

Things You Wish You Could Say At Work:

I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

How about never? Is never good for you?

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

Ahhh...I see the f**k-up fairy has visited us again...

I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...

I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.

You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.

Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

No, my powers can only be used for good.

You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.

Who me? I just wander from room to room

And your crybaby whiny-butt opinion would be...?

Do I look like a people person?

This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

You!... Off my planet!

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

A PBS mind in an MTV world.

Allow me to introduce my selves.

Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.

I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door # 1?

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks.

If I throw a stick, will you leave?

Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

the first few days of my new job were cool, except that i have NO IDEA whatta hell i am doing........its like all the classes i took in college and everything that i've learned is useless cause it doesnt help me at work......but anyway its cool, guys love me and i start loving them.....they are really cool around me and andrian is kind of too protective, but a cool dude.......and my bf is awesome, i had the best Valentines day ever!!!he left his work early , cause he felt sick and rearange everything for out first Valentine day....... i stayed all day at work and than he invited me to stay at his place for a night....so when i went there he had the whole table set up for me ...it was so sweet when he opened up his door and i saw a table with candles and flowers everywhere.....he gave me a single rose and he torn up the daisy's petals everywhere .....and another full daisy was a pillow...it was so sweet and candles everywhere...than he cooked pasta and salad for me......oh, that was too sweet, he even put on dominican music that we heard when we were on the boat......man , he is way too much..........but it was definatelly fun :)) so anyway, now that i have so little time, i have no time for my friends and even for myself........i feel like i might lose some of my friends pretty fast cause i have no time for them..........but what am i gotta do???i spend my day with irina today, it was her bday so i took her out to a japanize restaurant , it was cool :))i am so freaking tired!!